I hate my mother living with me?

I'm married with three children, and am 43 years old. My mother lives with us and I hate it. I hate that she is privy to things no mother should know about a 43 year old woman, like the how I raise my children, how I relate to my husband, even that some of my knickers have holes in them. Short of putting her in a home, I have no option. Mum used to be a geriatric nurse, and swore she would rather die than go into a "home", so I feel I have no alternative. But every night I come home to bitterness and anger from my stay-at-home husband because he just doesn't get on with her. Can you imagine anything worse than being stuck at home with an in-law you don't get on with. I know my mother to be frustrating, half deaf (and refusing to do anything about it), pig-headed, bigotted (she listens to and loves all the talk-back radio redneck rubbish), racist, ist, narrow-minded, occasionally really rude, and utterly dependent. She is driving me insane, and is really affecting our marriage. I have siblings who won't take her. I'm caught in a trap. I read about how older women treasure the relationship they develop with their older parent, and feel totally opposite to them. My relationship with her is deteriorating. No, I don't want her to die, and no, I don't want to not ever see her again, but I DO want a choice. She refuses to engage in any out-of-home activities (in spite of being quite sprightly and mobile), so she's at home ALL THE TIME. We never have any respite. What can anyone suggest? Yes, I have talked to her about getting out and about, to no avail. Yes, I have tried to have her at least stay with my siblings periodically, but she either a) hated it because it was too cold, b) hated it because it was too warm, or c) just hated it. Help. I'm thinking of divorce, just to break up the family and force my sibs to do something. Nearly every day is ugly and I dread coming home. The non-ugly days are the ones when she stays in her room. (She has her own granny-flat at our house, where she only has to share the kitchen with us). I'm reaching my wits end. All suggestions welcome. Thanks.